What a year 2011 turned out to be. It was a year of many high points and extreme low points. It was a year of deep sorrow and unexplainable joy. 2011 was a year in which my faith was tested and strengthened. It was a year of failures and successes and a year in which people proved their commitment or there selfishness.
January 2, 2011, what a horrible day in my life. The year started out with such great promise and an optimistic look to the year to come. It was on this day that I laid out the theme for my church in New York to be servants of God. I believed God wanted us to be servants to the lost, the church and the community. While preaching the message that Sunday night I was interrupted by a man in our church who clearly did not like this vision or even care to be called a servant. I do admit my message may have been a bit hard to hear but regardless this episode was one I would never forget. On that same day Kristin started having a headache that would not go away. Little did I know those headaches would ultimately result in her death just four months later. The last event of this one day was a phone call from a pastor in Washington asking me to visit the grandmother of one of his church members. I remember vividly driving to the hospital in Dansville, New York that night with days events running through my mind. I was angry, upset and worried for Kristin. But I believed in my heart that the lady I was going to visit needed to hear the truth of the gospel. So I left my family behind and made a late night visit to the ICU. I don't know if this lady ever accepted the truth of God's Word but I was thankful that God still chose to use me.
On January 21st, I once again left Kristin and the kids at home. It was hard to do. Kristin's headaches were getting worse and a lump had appeared on the right side of her skull, but duty called. A man who had grown up in the community, whose wife was my treasurer and a sweet lady, lay dying in a nursing home. For two days I spent the majority of my day at his bedside with the family. I attended the hospice meeting, I kept the church informed and tried my hardest to comfort Mrs. Crosby. Then on January 21st, while sitting at his bedside with his wife and daughter, Mr. Crosby took his last breathe and went into eternity. After some time and many hugs had been given, I stood at the foot of his bed and lead his family in prayer. I thank God that just moments before he had taken Lewis home. I thank God for the experience in which he had just had when he saw his Savior for the first time. It was so hard to pray this prayer. The family was hurting but in a way my heart was grateful for a God that allows us to live with him in Heaven.
February 22nd, This was the day of the horrible news. When the doctor informed Kristin and I that cancer had taken hold of my wife's body and that her life was going to end in about three months (she died two months later to the day). I remember the tears that came to Kristin's eyes as she thought of her children. The slight anger she had as the social worker tried her hardest to convince Kristin that our youngest son Ethan would remember her later in life. Kristin knew in her mind that it was not likely at all that he would remember her. She never expressed fear of death, only a fear of the pain her family would endure with her loss. That week we took an emergency family vacation all centered around getting our last pictures taken as a family. The pictures were wonderful, check out my page and Kristin's page to see the results. Kailia (Weeks) Jackson was such a huge bless for arranging her schedule to help us out. She even took these wonderful pictures for free. Words cannot describe how our hearts were warmed by her kindness to us and tears come to my eyes even now when reflect on it. She will always have a special place in our hearts.
Over the next few weeks, many people sent gifts and well wishes to Kristin and the family. I tried to continue to preach at church and pastor but that was impossible. In a short amount of time I turned from a pastor to just a preacher. Finding time to study and prepare for services was difficult and demanded much sacrifice. I could only study when the kids were in bed and Kristin was able to rest comfortably. But through God's grace I never missed a service and even preached the Sunday before Kristin passed away. Because of the many guest that came to visit I not only had to prepare multiple messages each week but care for the children in a greater a way, but I had to maintain the home for visitors and find time to love Kristin and grieve her fast approaching death.
The first week of April arrived and Kristin and I had our last coherent fight. We argued over her trip to South Dakota. She wanted to go back for a week to visit friends, the church and scrapbook at her favorite place, "Scrapbook Creations". I was selfish and didn't want her to go because I wanted her to be with me. I didn't want to give up a week. I sit back now and reflect on that time and I am sorry I missed out on a week, but I am grateful Kristin was able to enjoy herself. She arrived home after her trip and her health started to fade away. We made one last trip to Ohio where Kristin was able to spend a dinner with her good friend Lisa (Oatridge) Thoma and to work one last night at "V's" Gourmet Chicken. These were her last good days.
The week of April 17th is a week that will never leave my memory. It was a week of great sorrow. The kind of sorrow that comes from the recesses of your heart. A sorrow that cannot be controlled. It was the week we learned what we already knew that Kristin's life would end soon and it was a week in which my children said good bye to their mother. On that Thursday evening, I had to say good bye to my best friend and wife of nearly fifteen years. Then on April 22, 2011 at 1:10 PM, Kristin took her last breath and slipped into eternity. I cannot describe to you the sadness, loneliness, and great joy I felt. No I wasn't happy that Kristin was gone, but I was happy that she was no longer in pain. She had just seen Jesus and knew what it was truly like to live in complete happiness. She now lives in a world where sin has no authority because it does not exist there. I had great joy knowing I would see her again.
The week that followed was difficult as we attended the viewings and funeral for Kristin. Taking the children one by one to her casket was the most difficult thing I have ever done and never want to do again. But for me the funeral was more for our friends and family to say good bye then it was for me. I had already said good bye to the week before.
Returning home to New York after the funeral was hard. The house was no longer a home. Kristin was gone and I knew in my heart that I wasn't going to be living in New York much longer. The folks at the church were great but I learned a long time ago that a pastor is to minister to the church, the church isn't to minister to the pastor. So with that in mind, I resigned from my church and moved back to Ohio at the end of June.
For the first month in Ohio, my brother and his wife were so kind to us. They allowed us to house sit for them while they were gone and really gave me a chance to get my feet underneath me. I was able to find a duplex to rent in Lakewood, I decided to return to school in order to have income for the family and the kids were registered for school. It was at this juncture in life that I realized how utterly selfish and thoughtless some people could be. I had people tell me and my oldest daughter that we weren't following God's will because my kids weren't home schooled or attending a Christian school. Without considering the situation my family was in, these people showed their ignorance. Home schooling with only on parent is impossible and unprofitable. With an autistic son who needs specialized training I must send him to a public school and another son who is not school aged, I would spend nearly my entire afternoon driving around town picking up various children. I can't effectively love my and train my kids in the confines of a van. I'm also a firm believer that removing Christian influence from the public school certainly isn't the answer, light is only useful when it fights darkness. If you raise your kids properly and teach them truth then they can be a great influence any where. Trust me I have seen over and over again Christian school kids that put public school kids to shame with they way they live their lives. OK, enough of my soap box.
In September I was asked to teach and preach at a local Bible Institute. Little did I know that this was the night I would meet the young lady I had been praying for. Our conversation wasn't long but we caught each others eye. A few weeks later a friend of mine sent me a message saying she had a "Woman suggestion for me." Well that woman turned out to be Tabitha, the same girl from the institute. After some not so careful planning, we set 'Operation Tabitha" into motion with the express goal of getting Tabitha to go out with me, Paris and Becca Vlahopoulos after a church service. The first night was a failure but the second night was a glowing success.
Over the next few months Tabitha and I spent every possible moment together and when we weren't together we were texting each other. We grew very close to each other in a short amount of time and it was clear to us and those who were close to us that this relationship was going to end in marriage. Now I have heard rumors of gossip that "It's too soon to get married" or "You should still be grieving". Of course these words have been uttered by the inexperienced and misinformed people in my life. These are the people that I mentioned in my opening paragraph that have disappointed me and have shown that gossip is more important than true friendship or Godly living. Who says when the right time to get remarried is? (I've looked for a chapter and verse in the Bible that states this and I still haven't found it.) Who says I should still be grieving? Most folks don't realize that I started morning Kristin's death years before she died. When she finally passed away it was closure and the beginning of healing. Wanting to do things right, I consulted four separate pastors, my family and Kristin's family before moving forward with this marriage. I believe with all of my heart that God has put us together and wants us to marry. My kids absolutely love Tabitha and so do I. For the multitudes of you that have prayed that God would send someone into my life, I thank you, God has answered your prayer.
Tomorrow is December 30th, at 10 AM I will marry Tabitha. I can't describe the happiness I have and the new out look on life that God has given me. She is going to make a wonderful wife and great mother. She has become my best friend and I look forward to my life with her. Everyone that meets her and takes the time to get to know her, knows how great she is. I call her call P-31 or the Proverbs 31 woman....she of course doesn't care for that title, but regardless she is wonderful.
Some have asked, with true concern, why we are getting married so soon or in December. There are two answers to that question. One we want to make sure we stay out of sin and honor God with our lives. Second, it was very important to me that the Cook's approve of Tabitha and are able to attend the wedding. They are school teachers living out of state and we only had a short window in which to make all of our schedules work. I made a promise to Kristin that I would never break. She told me she was afraid that I would marry someone who would not want me to remember her or that would erase her memory in our home. I responded to Kristin with this promise. "If the person I am with cannot accept my past, she will never be apart of my future." Tabitha is not a replacement for Kristin and is very comfortable and even encourages reflection on Kristin and who she was. When every thing is set and done, if I'm happy, the kids are happy and the Cook's approve and have been honored, then who cares what others think.
Finally, in January of 2011 I made a promise to God that I would proclaim His goodness throughout the year. It has been hard to do but little did I know that He was preparing me for such a trying year. God has been good in everything that has taken place. He has cared for my family in every way and has never failed us. The road has been tough but he has been holding my right hand and comforting my heart. (Isaiah 41:13), just like he said he would.
2011 was a year that I will never forget, it started off with tremendous sadness, but will end tomorrow with "And they lived happily every after." God is good!
